The Right Fellowship
Summary: Fellowship is a group of fellows in a ship, rowing to a destination. If you're not in the same boat, on that same destination, then you're not in the same fellowship.
In my book, I mentioned that I stopped attending church and why, but some readers have tried to use this fact to discredit me and the book, implying that I’ve forsaken the fellowship of the saints (Heb 10:24-25), therefore I can’t talk about faith and be taken seriously.
As always, these people have read the Faith Book and don’t want to accept the truth about faith and so they reject the teachings of Jesus by making up false claims about me to try and discredit the truth. It makes no sense, but its their way of trying to bury the truth.
I always take them back to the focus of the book (which is not me) but having proper faith in Jesus Christ, and, if in fact, they are obeying God, according to his standards. I usually don’t hear back from them after that point.
First of all, I do fellowship with other saints; and just because I don’t attend a church building doesn’t mean I’m not apart of the Body. Anyone who follows Jesus Christ is apart of his Body. Church membership or attendance doesn’t make it so – there are many who attend a building, but have yet to follow Christ.
Christians Need Fellowship
I want to take this opportunity to discuss what fellowship is and why it is so important to be with the right fellowship. The Word says:
23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:23-25).
Among other things, we need fellowship for keeping the faith and holding on to what we believe. Fellowship exhorts us (often involves correction) and keeps us on the right track. It helps us stir up good works and love. By ourselves, it is very difficult and is not what God wants. No one has to be alone in this race and war. With the help of God, you must find the right fellowship.
Fellows In A Ship
Fellowship comes from two words: a group of fellows (men) in a ship (boat) rowing to one destination. Notice the reason for fellowship, when it relates to Christ in verse 24: for exhortation, love and good works. Are you involved in good works? Are you being loved according to the scriptures (1 Cor 13:4-7) and can you correct one another without being scoffed at (Proverbs 9:7-8) ? If not, you may be in the wrong fellowship.
In the book, I mentioned the lack of love, the blatant sin, and the unrighteousness I’ve seen in Christianity. They made it clear that they weren’t simply making mistakes, but deliberately living in sin – they weren’t trying to change – they didn’t respect God’s commands – they didn’t love God. Sadly, most of them are deceived.
Unfortunately this is a large fellowship. These people are row-row rowing their boat, gently down the stream… to hell (if they don’t repent). My destination is one of heaven by following the commandments of Jesus. I’m in a different boat on a different destination.
“So quit telling me I should be in fellowship with you when you’re going in the wrong direction.”
Discerning Their Destination
We are not in the same boat if you continue to think that you can work your way into heaven. We are not in the same boat if you think you are eternally secure, or that you will automatically persevere to the end as one of the unconditionally elected (all of which come from a misunderstanding of faith, which I deal with in the book).
We are not in the same boat if you continue to lie, gossip, fornicate, demean, be disrespectful and unkind. Some of which may happen among loving brothers and sisters who fellowship with Jesus Christ – but the issue to discern is: did the person make a mistake? Are they really trying to change or was this another sign that they don’t want to follow God and keep his commandments?
There’s a difference between a person who makes a mistake, but wanted to do the right thing, and a person who did the wrong thing and shifts the blame, can’t take responsibility and continues to portray the same behavior. Those who run from correction, and continue in sin are not people who I fellowship with and nor should you. Jesus said you will know them by their fruit (Matthew 7:16).
Every church person is not your brother and sister
We often call each other “brothers and sisters” in the church, but check this out:
31 Then His [Jesus] brothers and His mother came, and standing outside they sent to Him, calling Him. 32 And a multitude was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are outside seeking You.” 33 But He answered them, saying, “Who is My mother, or My brothers?” 34 And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! 35 For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother.”
I love Jesus’ definition of family: those who do the will of God. As I follow his example, I don’t care about the ministry you’re apart of, what church you go to, if you always sit on the pew behind me or not. You are not my brother, sister, mother, or “spiritual father”, if you are not actively following and doing the will of my Father.
The Freak House
I once lived in a house, where a “Christan sister” moved in her boyfriend, in which she was having sex with (I know so, because I could always hear them down the hall from my room). The boyfriend was a bible seminary student. As I confronted him about their behavior, he justified his sin (using the bible) and continued in it; then he had to nerve to call himself my brother in Christ.
Number one, he was not in Christ, and number two, he was not my brother. His girlfriend (now wife) and him were disrespectful to God and myself. I feel for their souls and hope they get saved.
To further prove they still didn’t care about God and his commandments against fornication – after they got married, they moved in another female friend of her’s, who would periodically bring over her boyfriend (who I knew from my first church) and have sex with him in her room. No one cared about God’s commandments. But I was suppose to call these people my “brothers and sisters”?! Not according to Jesus Christ.
Notice the differences I mentioned before: how they blatantly sinned and didn’t care who it hurt. We are not suppose to fellowship with such people. If I had known this would happen, I would’ve never moved in with them. This applies to the character of your religious leaders: are they prideful, arrogant, manipulative and crafty? Are they trying to change or are they blatantly staying in sin? Do they treat some sins as big and others as insignificant? Just because some Christian leaders display acts of kindness and have programs centered around youth – it doesn’t make them your brothers and sisters. They must follow Jesus in lifestyle and in character. If you insist that they are your family, and they are not in fellowship with Christ – neither are you.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:6-7)
The bible says this about fellowship with the sinful:
11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. 12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” (1 Cor 5:11-13)
Paul said, “don’t even eat with them”! That’s harsh, but that’s the Word of God. But look at the crap that goes on in your church – your leaders don’t do anything about it. Why does God instruct us to put away such people? Because it will contaminate the church. Others will think its OK to sin and follow along. Now tell me how your church isn’t corrupt when your leaders don’t follow this basic commandment of God.
Don’t get me wrong, we are not looking for ways to separate ourselves and excommunicate people, or make cliches or denominational sects. We do not shun or disrespect those who stay in sin. Our first priority is correction and restoration to God and ourselves, but some people don’t want to follow God according to his standards. We will continue to pray and love them (as any other person), but we cannot call them our brothers and sisters; and we cannot continue to fellowship with them. The Word says:
But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us (2 Thess 3:6).
Don’t compromise just because of your need for family
We stay in bad relationships and terrible churches because we all have a deep need to belong and fellowship – to be apart of a family and community – this is natural. But you mustn’t let earthly fellowship compromise your fellowship with the One who can save your soul.
Which is more important?
Your need for an earthly family or your need for the heavenly family?
Where I spend eternity is more important.
Personally, people don’t understand my deep longing for family and fellowship, especially when my immediate biological family was distant and, on top of that, Jehovah’s Witnesses; and all I had then was the Church – and to discover the Church to be corrupt; and having to break away from them was extremely painful and hard. Then these ignorant, institutional Christians have the nerve to say I’m deliberately and sinfully forsaking the fellowship! What an insult to something so dear to me – I love and crave fellowship, but not with people who destroy my faith, my zeal, my confidence and my walk with the Lord Jesus Christ.
Consequences for Compromise
I have to admit, I did compromise. I stayed in the institutional church some 2 plus years after the Lord told me to leave. I stayed because I didn’t want to believe that it was so corrupted; and I couldn’t just walk away from the only family I thought I had. I thought I would be truly alone, but I was wrong. I have the Lord and others who I fellowship with today. But my compromise did effect me and this is why I tell you to break away from fellowships that are not aligned with God. The Word says: Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” (1 Cor 15:33)
I had a lot of good zeal, patience, confidence and humility, but because I allowed my flesh to take precedent over my spirit – I paid for it. I became prideful, not as those who I hung with were, but in different ways. I also lost patience with myself. I also set myself up for a lot of disappointment and grief from toxic people.
My zeal, confidence, stance and my identity in Christ had become weak, and my flesh had taken over. Bitterness, depression, resentment and hatred rose in me like never before. I was in the worse condition than before I ever became a Christian. Now, Christ had to clean me out and remove crap I allowed to seep in, when I should have just listened to him in the first place.
Don’t think that your good qualities will keep you, don’t be deceived, evil company will change you for the worst. Those arrogant, dishonest, immoral, manipulative people will get to you, as they got to me. Its only a matter of time – and the process will be slow and covert. Do as the Word says:
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Cor 6:14) and “Withdraw from those who walk disorderly” (2 Thess. 3:6).
A youth pastor couldn’t understand why I was ending our relationship – claiming that I was using the above Corinthian passage out of context. He was prideful, controlling, a gossip, and was damaging me spiritually. But he just knew he was above reproach and I was the one with the problem. He was in the darkness, I was trying to get to the light.
How do you deal with people who call themselves brothers and sisters yet insist on continual, sinful behavior? You break the fellowship as the word says. The 2 Corinthians 6:14 passage doesn’t just mean people who are not professed Christians (worldly people), but those who walk in darkness:
- Does your fellowship follow Christ?
- How do they treat you and other people?
- What do they do when you tell them about it?
- Does your leaders resemble Christ?
- Are they trying to obey God or are they living in sin?
Breaking Fellowship with evil company
Don’t let your church lie and tell you, “you were planted here” or, “God placed your here and you’re disobeying God by leaving our church or ministry”. Non of this “planting” crap is in the Bible. And even if God lead you there, nothing is permanent. If the Lord says, “Stay” stay, if the Lord says, “Go”, go.
Some will act as if your departure is a departure from God. But this is the way they see things through their institutional eyes. These people are deceived. God is not in some brick building, a small group in someone’s basement, or an external ministry. God is with you when you are obeying him (John 14:23). Don’t let these people intimidate and ridicule you into staying in a fellowship that is unhealthy and dishonoring to God.
You will have to expect shaming and damning from those fellowships you decide to break off. Expect flaming arrows, but block them with your shield of faith and know that you have changed your destination and you now “row a boat”, up stream, towards Heaven with your God. Also, some people may even change once you make the decision to depart, so don’t rule this out either, but if their change is just to keep you and not for the Lord, you will have to let them go.
The Lord is bigger and better than them and his fellowship has rewards. Plus, God won’t leave you hanging. God will send you an earthly fellowship that is in alignment with him and you won’t be alone. I’ve got people because the Lord provided them.
Fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ is simple:
- believe that he exist
- acknowledge your sins and repent of them
- love the truth of his Word,
- obey his commandments, according to his standards
- pray and never stop sharing and talking to him
- take communion (the wine and crackers) which is his blood and body
- Share God with others who don’t know him
- and fellowship with others who do know him and do all the above
