My last article stated that I would be dealing with the old man within my soul – the evil part of me that wars against my spirit. Among a list of things, the Holy Spirit led me to deal with being bold for God rather than being a coward. There is a coward in me that I must overcome.

While there exist both cowardice and boldness in all of us, my goal is to complete eradicate any trace of cowardice. So this is a study of how to begin to overcome cowardice. I don’t expect to be changed overnight, but I do expect to grow in this area as I become more like God and less like the devil. I hope this article energizes you as much as it does me.

When I talk about being bold, I’m talking about boldly preaching the gospel, telling the truth, exposing lies, and not backing down from opposition and religious bullies who intimidate or attack you for doing so. I’m talking about speaking and writing the truth without apology.

This article assumes that you know not to speak the truth in pride, or in an attempt to put another person down. This article also assumes that you are led by the Spirit and can understand when you should keep your mouth shut as in the midst of people, as Jesus called, “pigs and dogs” (Matt 7:6).

Jesus commanded us to go and teach people to observe all the things that he commanded (Matt 28:19-20). Jesus commanded us to call people to repentance (Matt 4:17) and to have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them (Eph 5:11). The gospel is preached so that people may be saved, and to remove any excuse from those who reject God to claim that they didn’t hear the truth to be saved. I believe everyone will hear the gospel at some point in their life.

Cowardice is defined as:

One who lacks courage in the face of danger, pain, or hardship. Other words: chickenhearted, gutless, unmanly. One who lacks resolute which is: firmness, determination and often loyalty.

Boldness is defined as:

Fearless, daring, courageous, exhibiting bravery. Unduly forward and brazen which is: a loud sound. Clear and distinct to the eye. Therefore, boldness stands out, moves forward and is clearly seen and heard.

Cowardice and its root

When the time comes to speak the truth, this is what we think: “I’m scared. I don’t want to be hated or hurt for going against those people or that person.” We all want to be accepted, therefore there is a people-pleaser in us and it cares more about what people think of us, rather than God. Something in us fears more about what people will say and do, rather than the God we represent.

World and Harlot Church programing. If you know anything about the False Church, you know that they’ll teach you that being “nice” and non-confrontational is considered “Christian”. But confronting sin, being bold and speaking the truth is considered disrespectful, judgmental and even unloving.

These lies are pounded into Christians every time they attend church, and if you have any kind of need to please the people in your church and be accepted by them, (like most of us do) you’ll cower down and fall in line and become a person who seldom speaks-up to rebuke error, or to tell the truth – claiming, “I don’t want to judge.” You’ll believe that offending people with the truth is somehow sinful – which it is not. And when given the microphone to preach, you’ll give heavy, sugar-coated, watered-down messages instead of the bitter truth.

You may think that cowardice is a little thing to God, but just know that he lists cowards among liars, murderers, fornicators, sorcerers and idolaters, all of which will be thrown into the lake of fire (Rev 21:8, Rev 21:8 KJV). Because boldness has no fear but cowardice does, cowardice shows our level of love (1 John 4:18). If we really love people enough, we would tell them the truth because love rejoices in the truth (1 Cor 13:6).

How to be bold

We must understand, if God commands us to boldly say something, he will give us the power to do so if we ask. Just like love, boldness is a characteristic of God (Acts 4:31). We should always pray for its growth in us. After telling the Christians in Ephesus to put on the whole armor of God, Paul asks the saints to pray for his boldness:

¹⁹ And for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak (Ephesians 6:19-20).

Boldness is how we ought to speak – never with sugar-coated, soft, timid, watered-down speech. Boldness speaks loud and clearly as we move forward to proclaim the truth. We should never draw back from messages that will “get us into trouble” with this or that people group.

We should never cower down and preach doctrines like Universalism or The Gospel of Inclusion because we have a fear of drawing smaller crowds by telling the truth. We should never teach Eternal Security because we are scared that we will offend the practitioners of sin in our church. No teacher who preaches such doctrines has love. We must be bold and preach the truth, no matter how we feel about what someone will say, do or feel.

Stand up to bullies

Bullies can only operate because of the cowardice in people. Take a lesson from “Life” the comedy movie with Eddie Murphy & Martin Lawrence. In the movie, a bully in jail asks Eddie for his cornbread, he refuses because he knew that the bully would soon take everything else. Eddie fought the bully and got his butt kicked, but he said at the end, “but at least he didn’t get my cornbread.”

Our relationship with God is like that cornbread, and the devil is like that bully. If we cower down by not speaking boldly, the devil will dominate us. So it’s better to take a verbal and/or physical beating for speaking the truth, but at least we keep our relationship with God in tact. Persecution is to be expected (John 15:20) and it is better to fear God who can destroy the body and soul, rather than what the devil and his children can do (Matt 10:28).

Learn to be accepted by God and not people.

The need to be accepted and belong to people groups is ingrained into the very fabric of our being. Going against the grain and being the odd man out is extremely hard to do especially in the mist of two or more people. It seems like every bell and whistle goes off in our minds telling us to “shut-up”, “don’t say that”, “they’re not going to like you for that!”

But here is what I want you to consider, as I did: Why try to please people? People are insatiable. One of the biggest things to consider is: these people hate your God and everything he stands for. Why try to please them? So, its best, out of your love, to tell them the truth in order that their souls might be saved. If they don’t listen, then, at least you obeyed God. Often times the majority will hate you, but the minority is who you were sent to speak to. Finally, there’s no use in being silent because silence is deadly. Check out this profound poem from P4CM:

Boldly facing the opposition

So let’s go forth and be bold and proclaim the truth of the gospel. Let’s pray for power from above and let’s open our mouths loud and clear. When you begin to speak the truth in boldness, the devil will first attack you, the messenger, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll attack the way you delivered it. Remember, bold truth is a sin in the fantasy world of Satan.

Here are the following types of people who will bring the most, harsh and bold opposition: homosexuals, Jezebel spirits (controlling and manipulative women and men), religious leaders and arrogant people in general. Here are a few accusations you will hear:

“You’re offensive!”

Answer: “So. Jesus offended many with his message. It’s not my job to make you feel good. My job is to tell you the truth.”

“You’re angry. Anger is sin.”

Answer: “If I’m angry, I am angry at sin. Also, to be angry is not a sin. For the bible says to be angry and sin not (Eph 4:26).”

“You’re too loud, Jesus spoke in love, not all this hell talk.”

Answer: “Jesus spoke boldly and so does all of his followers (John 7:26, Acts 4:13). Jesus spoke of hell too (Matt 13:42, John 15:6).”

“This isn’t wise, you’re going to get hurt if you keep preaching this message.”

This is true, you are going to get hurt sooner or later. But what this person is trying to do is put fear into you now so that you can draw from obeying God in the future. Answer: “Get behind me Satan! (Matt 16:23) God has not given me a spirit of fear (2 Tim 1:7)!”

“That’s not professional. That’s awkward. This isn’t the place for that.”

Because the world doesn’t want to hear the bold truth, this is never a good place or a good time to speak the truth. Answer: “The gospel truth will be preached in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the end of the earth (Acts 1:8).”

Let us not be afraid, God is with us, let us boldly go and speak the truth.

Continue to part 2.

The above title phrase is what is told to people who become envious or jealous about others’ successes. The envious, jealous, person is often labeled “a hater.” The hater is either unable to obtain what they see someone else posses or, won’t put forth the effort to achieve it; and so, the hater is bitter with the other person. They are rightly labeled a hater because this is what envy and jealous behavior does – it hates others for having something they don’t.

Envy and jealousy is defined as:

1) resentful, bitter or painfully desirous of others advantages, possessions or achievements. It also includes: 2) fearful of the loss of position or affection – which leads back to the first definition.

Unfortunately, Jamie has two friends who are really not acting as her friends; these women have ceased from loving her. If this behavior isn’t dealt with, Quanita could damage the self-esteem of Jamie and defile the marriage by sleeping with her husband. Tameka could successfully put suspicions and distrust in her friend’s mind about her new husband – causing division in the marriage. Either way, Jamie’s happiness and joy is at stake because her friends don’t have joy and aren’t happy for her as they should be.

Understanding Envy

Envy rears it’s ugly head in degradation of either the object, or the person who has the object. Envy can lead to worst such as: theft and murder.

Whether it be a new car, house, spouse, achievement, award, talents, gifts, positions, status in church, winning a competition, etc – people will see it and become envious. My hope is that you can recognize it among those who are close to you and confront the behavior before it does damage to you. Haters in your company will prevent you from further success.

We’ve all been envious at times, why, is the question, and what should we do about it? We know it comes from the desire to have things that we want but don’t have, but why do we get mad at others who do have? Why not just work hard to get what we want, and be happy for the other person. The first answers were mentioned earlier: inability or laziness and impatience. People simply don’t want to work hard, and spend the time to achieve their goals – they want it quick and easy. The second answers are: selfishness and pride.

Selfishness was Quanita’s initial sin which led to envy. She coveted Tameka’s husband for herself. Quanita was all about me, me, me. She didn’t care that he belonged to someone else; or the expense and pain it would cause if she took him. She just wanted what she wanted, and was willing to steal. Sometimes, people like Quanita, use the tactics of degradation towards the object (the husband), like Tameka did, to sow division between the owner and the object, so that the object can be freely obtained by the envious person.

Pride was Tameka’s initial sin which led to envy. We already talked about the sin of pride and how it is linked to a person’s self-worth coming from everywhere but God; and so they feel either low or high about themselves according to others in their circle. This was Tameka’s case: she began to have a low opinion of herself as she compared Jamie’s status of newlywed to her own.

Marriage is an achievement most women want for their lives. In this culture, singleness, after a certain age, is viewed as failure. Before, Tameka and Jamie were on the same level, but now Jamie had achieved a “higher status” – a better life. In Tameka’s eyes, Jamie had won and Tameka became a loser. If Tameka’s self-worth came from God, she’d be happy for her friend and would trust God for a spouse (in his timing), but instead, she allowed pride to control and leave her bitter.

Tameka’s jealousy also came from selfishness too. Even though friendship is important, Tameka doesn’t care about what Jamie needs, which is: a husband. Tameka just wants Jamie all to herself. Tameka doesn’t understand that people should be shared. Once again, if Tameka trusted in God to supply her needs, she wouldn’t fear loneliness as her friend’s status changed. She would know that God sustains her – not her friends.

Nothing is wrong with admiring someone’s possessions or thinking “I’d like to have one of those.” Many people desire the same things; but when we become bitter and resentful, the sin of envy is birthed. Love doesn’t envy, it isn’t jealous – this is what God says (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). If you say you love your friend, family, church family, neighbors and strangers, you should be happy for their achievements rather than envious and jealous. If you feel this way, you should repent.

Pride is a sin that is at the core of all humanity, you either have a little or a lot. Proud and arrogant behavior has never done anybody any good; and it will surely and ultimately damage the life of the person who maintains this behavior. Of course, the world doesn’t look at pride as a big deal. Even though pride is like a hot, stinky, smell – it’s tolerated – there’s no law against it.

The problem is: this same attitude is in the church (2 Tim 3:1-5) and professing Christians have forgotten that this is a sin and an extreme lack of love. God says that when you say you love someone – you show it by being humble, not proud (1 Cor 13). As followers of Christ, who are called to love everyone. Pride is prohibited.

Pride is defined as:

A sense of one’s own proper dignity or value; self-respect. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association. Full of self-respect and independence of spirit. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness. An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit, vanity, ego.

Now, read very carefully:

It’s not a sin to have dignity or feel pleasure or satisfaction for an achievement, possession or who we are associated with. As Christians, we are associated with a God who is all powerful, all knowing and everywhere. Our God is magnificent and awesome and he gives gifts to those who serve him – I take great pleasure and satisfaction in this. We should feel satisfied when God achieves something new in our lives; and we should have high esteem in the fact that God created our bodies and faces with such wonder (Ps 139:14) and beauty. We should feel good about ourselves knowing he loves and thinks of us so worthy that he had his Son be tortured and killed in our place (John 3:16). When I think of these things, I am truly dignified; and God wants us to have a healthy respect for ourselves because of him.

Now, the above reasons I give for my worth, value and self-respect may not be what others tie their worth and value to. Followers of Jesus Christ should get their worth and value from God; and him alone. But unfortunately, some make the mistake of building their worth and value from themselves - what they do in their flesh – their self-esteem. Sometimes we forget that our accomplishments only were made possible through God; and so we mistakenly attribute worth and value from ourselves rather than God. So this is how pride becomes a sin: when our value and worth come from within ourselves or other people, rather than God.

What Pride Does to People

If you think pride isn’t a problem, I will go over its basic and damaging effects. Once again, pride is prevalent in the church – many religious leaders bath in this sin. Though it’s constant stench is offensive, the other leaders or the flock won’t rebuke or correct this behavior. Some even call it “confidence”, or that these men have the right to be proud because “they are on top… they are the leaders… the founders of this great church” – and they have the right to parade themselves around like little gods amongst men. But they are wrong. This behavior is disgusting and it gives the green light to anyone else: that the sin of pride is OK.

I’m better than you

Because your value and self-worth is not rooted in God but yourself, you begin to compare yourself to other people. Perhaps it’s the house, money, gadgets, jewels, cars, or a spouse that others don’t have; but you do. Other times, its the flattery, the adoration of fans, and the media that lift you up and contribute to your swollen head. You look around in your circle of friends and begin to compare your achievements in various professional fields, your talents, your college degree(s), the amount of weight you can press; your fame in the public, or your subscriber list on YouTube. Whatever it is, you begin to think you ‘re better than others. Well, how is this a problem? Its all in your head. You haven’t hurt anyone for feeling good about yourself and your achievements and possessions – right? Wrong.

Nobody likes a boaster

Now, you can’t help it, you’ve got to tell them all about how great you think you are; sometimes its subtle and sometimes is obvious. But God says: a person who loves others doesn’t boast about themselves (1 Cor 13:4-7). Boasting is: To glorify oneself in speech; talk in a self-admiring way. People do this all the time when they brag about how “holy” and “spiritual” they are; or about what they’re doing for God. Its all an attempt to glorify themselves rather than God. People hate when a person opens their mouth and begins to “lift themselves up” over others – it’s offensive and selfish. Perhaps it’s offensive because, deep-down, we all know (Christian or not) that God is the only one who can glorify himself. We’ve all been given gifts and talents – born with special abilities – and while these are spectacular, it all originates from God. So he deserves all the glory and we should never glorify ourselves in our speech.

May the LORD cut off all flattering lips,
and the tongue that speaks proud things (Psalms 12:3)

You’re below Me – Disdain, Contempt and Disrespect

Finally, pride turns to boasting, which turns to arrogance; and here in lies the worst damage. Because you perceive yourself as “better than others” within your social circle or community, you begin to lose respect for people who are not on “your level.” You begin to reject those who you deem as beneath you. You regard them as inferior, base, or worthless – and they don’t deserve your respect because they’re not in your class.

You think you know what’s best for these “other people” because, after all, you are a god and you know it all. You look to help others (which seems like kindness) but you will surely patronize them because, after all, they’re inferior to you. You now deserve to be catered to; and no one can refuse you because you are “somebody.” You can steal, abuse, manipulate and hurt “that person” or “that group of people” because they’re despicable and below you. Some have even thought so highly of themselves that they should be praised and worshiped like the All-Mighty God. How disgusting this behavior is; how demeaning and offensive it is. The “big ego” and the “superiority complex” is what the world calls it – but God calls it sin.

Do to others as you want done to you (Matthew 7:12). How do you feel when someone treats you like a roach, a dog or a slave nigger? Do you like to be treated like an inconspicuous worm or stepped on like one, after rainfall? This is how pride, boasting and arrogance make others feel. Pride comes from the root of selfishness and its all because that person’s value and worth comes from the flesh rather than from God. The flesh is weak and nothing good can come of it. But with God as your source of value and worth, you can’t really boast about anything other than the Lord himself.

Your head is stuck in the clouds

Pride is dangerous for you because it prevents you from being corrected. You see, God is above reproach and because you think of yourself as a high and lifted up being (like God) you can’t possibly be wrong, or be corrected. When you do mess-up, its extremely hard for you to take responsibility. You lie to cover it up. You’ll do everything in your power to NOT say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I apologize“; and if you do, it always follows with a “but you too…” to ease the pain of humility.

Because your value and self-worthiness comes from yourself and not from God, you won’t ask for help when you need it the most. You think to yourself, “gods don’t need help”, but you’re not a god! And this angers you – but you still won’t ask for help. You can’t submit to positions where you’re not in full control – you need to be the leader – you can’t be “under” someone else, you have to be on-top and in charge. You lose opportunities in life because people don’t like you. You lose relationships, you lose chances to change and grow because your head is too swollen and stuck in the clouds.

The lofty looks of man shall be humbled, The haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, And the LORD alone shall be exalted in that day (Isaiah 2:11)

Unbalanced Unhealthy Relationships

Arrogance brings a level of unbalance to relationships because the one who’s most arrogant will always try to push down the other. We’ve all seen relationships where one person is frequently demeaning or patronizing towards the other. The arrogant person doesn’t see the other as an equal. On top of that, arrogant people need someone to be “below them” (so they befriend people who they perceive as lower in status) so that they can always feel elevated. The “clouds” have become a comfortable place for the proud and so they don’t want to come down – “its better to be above, than humble”, is how they think.

This is damaging to the others because they’re frequently, physically, but most often, verbally hit with lies of inferiority, inability or weakness. A flower can never grow if it’s always being stepped on; and people are like flowers. All of us are precious, delicate beings and words and actions of contempt, disdain and disrespect hinder our growth. People who are in relationships with people who exhibit pride and arrogance are certainly being effected for the worst. People who continue to accept this behavior (abuse) will find that it will just get worse and worse. If they try to leave or rebuke the behavior they will surely anger these tyrants. The continual sin of arrogance produces domineering and controlling characteristics in people.

I really hate pride and arrogance; and God does too.

What pride does to God

¹⁶ These six things the LORD hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: ¹⁷ A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, ¹⁸ A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, ¹⁹ A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren (Proverbs 6:16-19).

Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; the one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, him I will not endure (Psalm 101:5). Everyone proud in heart is an  abomination to the LORD; Though they join forces, none will go unpunished (Proverbs 16:5).

It’s funny how arrogant religious leaders will single out homosexuality as such an abomination, but God views lying, and prideful behavior just the same! Do you look at the sin of pride as abhorrently disgusting, as God does, or is it insignificant to you?

Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5).

¹⁰ Two men went into the temple to pray. One was a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood over by himself and prayed, “God, I thank you that I am not greedy, dishonest, and unfaithful in marriage like other people. And I am really glad that I am not like that tax collector over there. ¹² I go without eating for two days a week, and I give you one tenth of all I earn.” ¹³ The tax collector stood off at a distance and did not think he was good enough even to look up toward heaven. He was so sorry for what he had done that he pounded his chest and prayed, “God, have pity on me! I am such a sinner.” ¹⁴ Then Jesus said, “When the two men went home, it was the tax collector and not the Pharisee who was pleasing to God. If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored.” (Luke 18:10-14 CEV)

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the Almighty God to resist me. When I pray, I’d like my prayers to get through, but those who are proud, God resists. What a shame – so many prayers wasted because of pride. It’s simple: God loves humility and hates prideful behavior.

The benefits of humility and how to be humble

• Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. (Matt 5:5)
• Surely He scorns the scornful, But gives grace to the humble. (Pro 3:34)
• A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor. (Pro 29:23)
• Whoever humbles himself as a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 18:4)
• Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. (James 4:10)
• Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things,
  but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion (Romans 12:16)

Proud people don’t get into Heaven, only the humble do; not only that, humility can make you one of the greatest in Heaven. As followers of Christ and people who are called to love as he did, we must be humble – there is great reward in it.  Humility makes it easier to follow a God who knows what’s best for us. With humility, we keep our heads on level ground and we don’t disrespect others. We can also ask for help and be corrected when we’re wrong. We show God we love him by being humble.

Humility looks like this:

• Admitting your wrongs and mistakes; and taking responsibility for them
• Pulling over and asking for directions when you’re lost
• Not thinking or pretending you “know it all”
• Saying, “I don’t know.”
• Telling the truth and receiving the consequences for it
• Service to others, in any capacity, without getting anything in return
• Prayer: submitting, listening and following God instead of yourself

Humility is not feeling bad and low about ourselves, rather, it’s having a correct view of ourselves through the eyes of God. This is why God says:

… Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2)

If you allow the word of God to renew your mind, you’ll see who you are in perspective to God and you’ll also learn that humility is what he loves and pride is what he hates.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things (Philippians 4:8)

God is noble, he is just, he is pure, he is lovely, he is praiseworthy – keep your mind on the Most High God and you won’t get a swollen head. You are nothing but dust (Ecclesiastes 3:20), so you should never let people put dust on a pedestal. You must also stop stroking the ego’s of your lifted up religious leaders – you’re only encouraging them to be more sinful – if you love them, you wouldn’t boost their pride, but rather, esteem them as everyone else. Only God deserves the glory, honor and praise.

“My Big Ego”

The world’s view of humility is warped. They look at humility as weakness and pride as confidence. To be humble is to be disrespected. I guess they think: because that humble person is modest in their behavior, or isn’t acting, walking and bragging about their accomplishments, they must not have too much going on for them – therefore, I’m better than them. It’s almost as if: if you are lowly, the natural response of the proud is to step on you.

Respect is earned?

The world says, “respect is earned, not given“. In other words: I don’t have to show others respect unless they do things that I feel are worthy of my esteem or praise. This viewpoint is so sinful and so clearly against scripture. God says: respect everyone, no matter if you think they are worthy of your esteem or not. If you believe the world’s lie, you’ll find yourself always doing something to be noticed, to be praised and to be respected. And you’ll finally get that respect too, but this respect comes from men rather than God. And so, sinful men will have control over your self-value and worth – they’ll have the power to give and to take. We should care less about respect from men, but rather, the respect of God.

As Christians, we are called to be like Jesus; and humility is one of his attributes. Humility it also one of the things he was “hated-on” for. The proud Pharisees were the complete opposite of Jesus and this is one of the reasons they persecuted him. Don’t be surprised to see your religious leaders and “Christian brothers and sisters” treat you bad just because you’re being humble like Jesus:

Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also (John 15:20).

When we are humble and not prideful, we show are love for people; and we please our God who is the only one who deserves to be glorified, praised and worshiped.

God says, “Love is kind” (1 Cor 13). Kindness is:

Showing sympathy concern or understanding (sympathetic understanding).
Thesaurus on Kindness: Grace, favor, service, charity, unselfish concern for others welfare (altruism), compassion, generosity.

Do you enjoy hearing about other people being hurt? Do you laugh at someone else’s misfortune? Do you have compassion for the homeless and people in need, or do you point your nose up at them? When someone tells you about a bad day at work, or something awful or unfortunate, do you jump into giving them a solution or do you simply listen?

Jesus felt the pain of others. He had compassion  for them and helped them (Matt 9:36; 14:14). We must do the same. We must care enough for other human beings to try and understand what they feel – not for the sake of feeling their pain – but to do something about it. This is kindness. Kindness is self-less – its about someone else and how we can help them. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. I can tell a person is Spirit-filled by their amount of authentic kindness.

Kindness in Relationships

Even when we can do nothing to help someone in need, we still can sympathize and understand them. Simple sympathy is kindness and it helps a great deal. Men often fail at this in relationships when the woman tells the man about her bad day. The man usually responds with a cold-cut solution. Although, the solution may be helpful it wasn’t what the woman wanted; and so the woman is offended. The unkind man looks at the woman’s problem as something to solve.

The man listens to the woman’s problem once more and says, “so, what do you want me to do about it?” The woman is further offended because the man doesn’t understand kindness. The woman never wanted a solution, she wants her man to “feel her” – to sympathize and understand her situation – that’s all. She may already have a solution. It was never about finding a solution to the problem, it was about her need for sympathy.

Sympathy is humane, it brings comfort to someone who is lonely in a dire situation. The fact that someone else understands where they are makes the situation not so difficult anymore. Sympathy is like emotional support, and so we ask for it when we need it. Its a shame to not only deal with a hurtful situation alone, but when you reach out for help to people who are suppose to care, mistakenly, they throw salt in your wounds by being unkind.

Males are taught to be unkind

Even though the lack of kindness shows itself in both sexes, men are actually taught not to be so kind. Kindness is looked at as weakness; and so they learn to cut off certain emotions that stem from kindness; and become careless, callous and unkind. In fact, the more callous and ruthless, the better (at least, when in the presence of other males). I’ve heard Christian men sit around gawking about how someone got beat and hurt – all the while caring nothing for that individual. What if it was you who was the one that was beaten? Oh, how loveless we are as human beings.

This teaching could have possibly come from soldiers in battle – you can’t show compassion for the enemy or you’d risk being killed. This may apply to war, but not other areas of life. Its not uncommon for a male to have difficulty showing kindness for their children or wives. In most men, the mere thought of “I should show some kindness in this situation” never crosses their mind – leaving their wives and children wounded. Little boys, when treated with unkindness from their own fathers, are told to “bulk-up”, “deal with it”. This develops a callous response to sensitive situations, where the young boys display the same lack of love as their fathers.

Kindness understands and respects differences

How do you feel about people who are different than you, perhaps in race, personality, culture, appearance, or profession? Do you try to understand their differences without making final judgments? Or do you disrespect, reject and fear them? Kindness respects and understands the differences in people.

There are many differences among us humans and we won’t initially understand them. To understand, you will have to become selfless, humble and active towards people who you feel are foreign. The more we learn about different people, the more we grow, appreciate and can respect them. When we don’t try to understand but reject, fear, and disrespect, we offend those who are different from us and this shows our lack of love. Here are a few examples of common displays of unkindness, where the individual didn’t take the time to try and understand:

• A church group doesn’t take the time to understand why their new visitor has spiky, pink hair and black fingernails. Because of her appearance, they reject her with contemptuous stares and comments, causing a stumbling block in her journey toward accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.
• The prejudice white person makes a conclusion about blacks from watching the news – that they’re loud, uneducated, criminal barbarians. So the white person treats blacks with fear, contempt and disrespect. Then the white person prides himself in knowing that he’s a better person – better than “those black people.”
• The person who assumes that homeless people or beggars are in their condition because of drug abuse. So the person shuns them as they ask for help.
• The potential client of a web design firm believes the cost of a website proposal is outrageous. The customer doesn’t understand all the talent, effort, time and technical skill that goes into building a professional web presence, therefore, they scoff at the designer’s quote and replies with a low-ball offer.
• The extroverted person who treats the introverted personality-type as if something is wrong with them – because they don’t understand why they’re quiet, secretive and considered a “loner” – different from the rest of the population. The extrovert may reject or patronize the introvert because they prejudge and won’t try to understand a personality difference, often leaving introverts angry and offended.
• While homosexuality is a sin, there are many Christians who instantly reject and despise those who engage in it. If gays weren’t so hated by church people – maybe they’d come to Christ. Often, Christians are the first Jesus they’ll ever see. We are to hate the sin, not the person.

Simply asking the question of why and how can go a long way into learning and understanding differences in people. Don’t always assume you understand – this is pride (which isn’t love either). And even if you don’t get it – respect them anyway. Do to others as you want done to you (Matthew 7:12). Would you like to be rejected, treated with disdain or disrespected, or even feared, because of your differences? Try to understand people’s differences, and if not, give respect – this is how you show love.

Be like Jesus

If we aren’t kind to others, we don’t love others and if we don’t love others, we don’t love God. Let’s be kind, consider and help one another. Let’s care about another person’s situation enough to do something about it. Jesus is kind and sympathizes with us:

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

¹ With all my heart I praise the LORD, and with all that I am I praise his holy name! ² With all my heart I praise the LORD! I will never forget how kind he has been. ³ The LORD forgives our sins, heals us when we are sick, ⁴ and protects us from death. His kindness and love are a crown on our heads (Psalm 103:1-4 CEV).

Let’s be like Jesus. Let’s love people by being kind, sympathetic and understanding towards them.

How to be Kind:

• Think about if someone’s bad situation was reversed and you were in their shoes.
• Help those who are in need and don’t patronize them.
• The fruit of the Spirit is kindness (Gal 5:22). Allow the Spirit to make you kind.
• When listening to someone’s problems, simply listen, sympathize and understand their situation, don’t jump into giving solutions unless they ask.

God says, “Love is patient” (1 Cor 13). Patient means:

To endure affliction with calmness. to be tolerant, understanding, suffering long.

Love doesn’t rush and push people to move faster because of our impatience. Even if these people are selfishly moving too slow (being inconsiderate of others), Love doesn’t make a fuse – Love stays calm. Love tries to understand the situation, Love continues to suffer the wait.

Do you rush your kids to be more mature than the rate they are growing. What about the faults of your spouse, your neighbors? If these people are truly trying to change – be patient with them, they’ll get there. Pushing some people tends to leave them resentful and that only adds to their problem. Instead of rushing someone, how about encouraging them, and understanding why they are moving so slow (in your opinion). Find out how to help them – but don’t rush them.

Abandoning a difficult child because he/she is too hard to deal with may be a sign of your impatience. Abandoning a child will show your lack of love for them – in their eyes, you gave up on them. If you would’ve stayed just a little longer and tolerated their mess – you would’ve begun to see a change.

For all those who strive to be like Jesus, you have experienced persecution. I’m learning to deal with ill-treatment from people who claim to be Christians. I don’t try to avoid it, I face it, head on – knowing that enduring suffering is patience. I’m learning not to spas-out and return evil for evil. Persecution is what Jesus went through and so must we. We must accept it and rejoice in it (as crazy as that sounds, but that’s what James 1:2-4 and Matthew 5:11-12 says). Love doesn’t bite back at our oppressors.

Love deals with the noisy neighbors, their crying kids, a late bus, the elderly in traffic, waiting on a slow landlord to fix something, a pizza service who claims to be “hot and ready” (but really makes you wait 15 minutes). How do you respond to such things? Do you flip-out, get an attitude, beep your horn at that old white lady, yell at the waiter, punch the bullet-proof plexiglass at the pizza joint? Let’s be patient.

If you’re not patient with people, you don’t love them. If you don’t love people, you don’t love God (Jn 14:15, Matt 22:39, Jn 14:23-24). God is very patient with us – so he commands us to be the same with everyone else. How long has God tolerated your sin and disrespect for his laws and commandments (Romans 9:22)? Be patient with others because God is patient with you.

How to be patient:

• Think about God’s mercy and patience when he deals with you and your sins.
• Ask the Holy Spirit for the power to be patient (Galatians 5:22).
• Learn to wait and see the fruit of your wait.
• Meditate on scriptures about patience.

Scripture Meditation:

1. Proverbs 14:29
   A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
2. Romans 12:12
   Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying.
3. Romans 15:1
   If our faith is strong, we should be patient with the Lord’s followers whose faith is weak. We should try to please them instead of ourselves.
4. Romans 15:5
   God is the one who makes us patient and cheerful. I pray that he will help you live at peace with each other, as you follow Christ.
5. 1 Corinthians 4:12
   We work hard with our own hands, and when people abuse us, we wish them well. When we suffer, we are patient.

As you exercise patience, you will be put in situations where you will be tested. Remember, this is a time to show your patience and the love of God for your neighbors. When we love our neighbors, we show our love for God and God is pleased.