I wish I had this information when I was a new born Christian because it would’ve spared me a lot of pain. I want to take this opportunity to discuss what fellowship is and why it is so important to be with the right fellowship versus the wrong fellowship and how to distinguish between the two.

The Word says:

²³ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, ²⁵ not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Among other things, we need fellowship to help us hold on to what we believe. Fellowship exhorts (strongly encourages) us and keeps us on the right track. It helps us stir up good works and love. By ourselves, it is very difficult to live the Christian life. No one has to be alone, and with the help of God, you will find the right fellowship.

Fellows In A Ship

Fellowship comes from two words and it means: a group of fellows (men) in a ship (boat) rowing to one destination. Notice the reason for fellowship, when it relates to Christ in verse 24: for exhortation, love and good works.

If you are apart of a fellowship, ask yourself these questions:

• Are you involved in good works?
• Are you being loved according to the scriptures (1 Cor 13:4-7),
• Is there exhortation to be transformed into the image of Jesus Christ

If NO is the answer to the above questions, you may be in the wrong fellowship.

In my book, I mentioned the lack of love, the blatant sin, and the unrighteousness I witnessed in Christianity. I mentioned how the Christians I used to fellowship with would make it clear that they weren’t simply “making mistakes”, but deliberately living in sin. There was no attempt to change to live a holy life. Unfortunately this was a very large fellowship. These people were rowing their boat … to hell.

However, the child of God’s destination should be one of heaven by following the commandments of Jesus Christ (2 John 1:6) and moving away from sin. The children of God are in a different boat, on a different destination.

Often times I run into people from my old church who treat me strangely and wonder why I’m no longer in fellowship with them. My response: How can we fellowship, when you’re going in the wrong direction. You’re in a completely different boat.”

Discerning Their Destination

Doctrine can help you determine what ship and destination that potential fellowship is headed, because what people believe dictate their life course. This discernment must come from a foundation of truth. In other words, you have to know the truth for yourself because you studied and Christ confirmed it to you. After lining up what a fellowship believes with the truth of God’s word, you can decide to be apart of it or not.

I’ve made it rule not to fellowship with people who believe their good works can get them into heaven because we are not saved by our works but by our faith in Jesus Christ (Eph 2:8-10). While I’m prepared to discuss the bible’s viewpoint with such people, if this belief is adamant in them, we cannot fellowship. There’s a lot of consequences that come from legalism which I’ve already shared in my book.

I’ve especially made it a rule not to fellowship with those who believe they are eternally secure. Or people who believe that some sins are OK, and that all roads lead to God. Often, all these doctrines lead to destruction. Therefore you must know the truth for yourself and then look at the fellowship in question and ask yourself, “does it line up with the truth?”

Sometimes doctrine is correct, but there is strife and offenses that happen among loving brothers and sisters. The issue to discern is: did these people make a mistake, or was it intentional? Is there a real desire to seek forgiveness or forgive offenses, or have the people become indifferent and could careless about how their actions effect others? Sadly, in past fellowships I’ve been apart of, the latter was the case — it was the wrong fellowship.

There’s a difference between a person who makes a mistake but wants to do the right thing, and a person who makes a mistake and shifts the blame, scoffs at rebuke (Prov 9:7-8), can’t take responsibility and continues in the same behavior. Those who run from correction, and continue in sin are not people who you should fellowship with. Jesus said you will know them by their fruit (Matthew 7:16).

Every professing Christian is not your brother or sister

We often call each other “brothers and sisters” in the church, but check what Jesus said in Mark chapter 3:

³¹ Then His [Jesus] brothers and His mother came, and standing outside they sent to Him, calling Him. ³² And a multitude was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are outside seeking You.” ³³ But He answered them, saying, “Who is My mother, or My brothers?” ³⁴ And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! ³⁵ For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother.”

I love Jesus’ definition of family: those who do the will of God. As I follow his example, I don’t care about the ministry anyone is apart of, what church they go to, if they always sit on the pew behind me or not. These people are not my brother, sister, mother, or “spiritual father”, if they are not actively following and doing the will of my Father in heaven.

Notice the differences I mentioned before: how they blatantly sinned and didn’t care who it hurt. We are not suppose to fellowship with such people. If I had known this would happen, I would’ve never moved in with them.

This also applies to the character of your religious leaders.
Ask yourself these questions about the pastors, prophets, teachers and bishops of your fellowship:

• Are they prideful, arrogant, manipulative and crafty?
• Are they being conformed to the image of Christ, or are they living in sin?
• Do they treat some sins as big and others as insignificant?

Just because some Christian leaders display acts of kindness and have programs centered around youth - it doesn’t make them your brothers and sisters. They must follow Jesus in lifestyle and in character. If you insist that they are your family, and they are not in fellowship with Christ, neither are you.

The bible says this about lifestyle and character:

⁶ If we say that we have fellowship with Him [Jesus], and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:6-7)

The bible says this about fellowship with the sinful:

¹¹ But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. ¹² For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? ¹³ But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” (1 Cor 5:11-13)

Paul said, “don’t even eat with them!” That’s harsh, but that’s the Word of God. Now, look at your fellowship and ask yourself this question: Does sexually immorality, covetous, idolatry, reviling, drunkenness go on without rebuke? If it does, you’re in the wrong fellowship and your leaders are corrupt. Why does God instruct us to put away such people? Because it will contaminate the church and others will think it’s OK to sin and follow along.

Don’t get me wrong, we are not looking for ways to separate ourselves and excommunicate people, or make cliches or denominational sects. We do not shun or disrespect those who stay in sin. Our first priority is correction and restoration to God and broken relationships, but some people don’t want to follow God according to his standards. We will continue to pray and love them (as any other person), but we cannot call them our brothers and sisters; and we cannot continue to fellowship with them. The Word says:

But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us (2 Thess 3:6).

Don’t compromise just because of your need for family

We stay in bad relationships and terrible churches because we all have a deep need to belong and fellowship, to be apart of a family and community - this is natural. But you mustn’t let earthly fellowship compromise your fellowship with the One who can save your soul.

Which is more important?: Your need for an earthly family, or your need for the heavenly family?

Answer: Where you spend eternity is most important.

Consequences for Compromise

I have to admit, I did compromise. I lingered in the institutional church after I felt a should leave. I stayed because I didn’t want to believe that it was so corrupted; and I couldn’t just walk away from the only family I thought I had. I thought I would be truly alone, but I was wrong. I have the Lord and others who I fellowship with today. But my compromise did effect me and this is why I tell you to break away from fellowships that are not aligned with God. The Word says: Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” (1 Cor 15:33)

I had lots of zeal, patience, and humility, but because I allowed my flesh to take precedent over my spirit, I paid for it. I became prideful and I lost patience with myself and God. I also set myself up for a lot of disappointment and grief from toxic people.

My zeal, confidence, stance and identity in Christ had become weak, and my flesh had taken over. Bitterness, depression, resentment and hatred rose in me like never before. I was in a worse condition than before I ever became a Christian. Now, Christ had to clean me out and remove crap I allowed to seep in, when I should have just listened to the signs in the first place.

Don’t think that your good qualities will keep you, don’t be deceived, evil company will change you for the worst. If you’re in the wrong fellowship and you find it’s hard to leave, just know that those immoral people will get to you, as they got to me. It’s only a matter of time, so get moving and do as the word says:

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Cor 6:14) and “Withdraw from those who walk disorderly” (2 Thess. 3:6).

A youth pastor couldn’t understand why I was ending our relationship claiming that I was using the above Corinthian passage out of context. He was using witchcraft, gossiping about things I shared with him privately, and was damaging me spiritually. He was in darkness, I was trying to get to the light. The 2 Corinthians 6:14 passage doesn’t just mean people who are not professed Christians (worldly people), but those who walk in darkness.

Ask yourself these questions about your fellowship?

• Does your fellowship follow Christ?
• How do they treat you and other people?
• Does your leaders resemble Christ?
• Are they trying to obey God or are they living in sin?

Breaking Fellowship with evil company

Don’t let a church fellowship lie and tell you, “you were planted here” or, “God placed you here and you’re disobeying God by leaving our church or ministry”. Non of this “planting” crap is in the Bible. And even if God led you there, nothing is permanent. If the Lord says, “Stay” stay, if the Lord says, “Go”, go.

Some will act as if your departure is a departure from God. But this is the way they see things through their institutional eyes. These people are deceived. God is not in some brick building, a small group in someone’s basement, or an online ministry. God is with you when you are obeying him (John 14:23). Don’t let these people intimidate and ridicule you into staying in a fellowship that is unhealthy and dishonoring to God.

You will have to expect shaming and damning from those fellowships you decide to break off. Expect flaming arrows, but block them with your shield of faith and know that you have changed your destination and you now “row a boat”, up stream, towards Heaven with your God. Also, some people may even change once you make the decision to depart, so don’t rule this out either, but if their change is just to keep you and not for the Lord, you will have to let them go.

The Lord is bigger and better than them and his fellowship has rewards. Plus, God won’t leave you hanging. God will send you an earthly fellowship that is in alignment with him and you won’t be alone.

In review, the right fellowship has the following:

1. Biblical love
2. A hatred of sin
3. A desire to become like Jesus
4. Discipleship, correction and exhortation
5. Good works, edification and spiritual growth