Dealing with people who mistreat you
I listened to a message that really helped me a few days ago. It was talking about forgiveness and how to think of those who do you wrong. Basically, I got 5 things from it:
1. Don’t take it personally.
This is one I didn’t get until now. To me, it was always personal. If they did it to me, it was because of me. But I’ve found that most of the people who did me wrong would have did the same to another person. In most of the cases, I was dealing with a self-centered opportunist. I just happen to be near them when they decided to carry out their wicked deeds.
2. People can’t help themselves.
Oh, they can make a choice to do right, but it’s in their nature to act a fool. Getting upset with a sinner is like trippin’ because a dog pissed on your leg — it stinks, it’s offensive, but it’s a dog, what should you expect? So sinners are like dogs; and they aren’t trained. I’m not trying to downcast them, but this is what God calls such people (Rev 22:15; Proverbs 26:11; Judges 7:5-6). Thank God I have a trainer called Jesus Christ who is helping me walk upright like a real man (Proverbs 10:9 KJV).
3. Ask God for his power to forgive.
Some stuff is too hard to forgive in our flesh — it hurts too much. But simply telling God the truth of where you’re at, and that you want to forgive like him will suddenly lead to you forgiving that person, but in God’s power (Phil 4:13; Matt 5:44-48; Matt 6:14-15)
4. Stop thinking about what they did.
I know, for me, this stuff can resurface out of nowhere because it was just so offensive and backwards, but I just have to rebuke the thoughts of anger and replace them with the word of God. God wants to see that person saved and so do I. I pray for their salvation (2 Peter 3:9; Phil 4:8).
5. God will judge them if they don’t repent.
Just know that. It’s not like they’re getting away with it. God will get them for he said, “Vengeance is Mine!” (Rom 12:19) When people sin against you, they sin against God too (Psalm 51:4).
Jesus said this, “Forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.” But of course those folks knew they were spitting on him, kicking and torturing him. But they didn’t know they were messing with the son of most high God!
So next time someone messes with me, I’m not going to go to the offense, I’m going to pray for them because they don’t know who they’re messing with, and they ain’t trained. So there’s no need to get offended. They’re the ones who have the problem. And if they repent and ask for forgiveness, forgive them.
I’m not just saying this, it works for me.
This article is part of the series: Forgiveness.
- Dealing with people who mistreat you
- How to forgive people who hurt you
- How to pray about racism, persecution and offenses
I agree with this. Also we as God’s people have an option of taking the offense or not taking it. Picture this: if someone offers you a present, you can either take it or not take it. If you do not take the present well you are not going to be upset, because it was your choice not to take it. We have to treat offense the same way. There will be times when it seem like it is not worth it, but every hardship we go through, God is using it to mold us. We are his clay on the potter’s wheel, he uses these tests and trials to shape us. We get offended if people say rude things to us, do not acknowledge us, or treat us with disrespect, but what did the Pharisees and disciples do to Him? Did Jesus fret at all? When Jesus died, He left us His peace, we need to ‘tap’ into that peace and be like Him. A spirit-lead believer will do this, while a fleshly-lead one suffers from his own response. So the next time someone offends you, you can even say under your breath, “I won’t take that.” See how blessed your life will be, stand still and know he is God, and he will raise himself above all nations (situations and dilemmas) (Ps 46:10). I say this because I went through a humiliating event that in the end put me on top of all my enemies because I stood still and did not try to take revenge for myself. I give you this message even as I have been offended today by the rudeness of people. So if this message is not for you, then I can tell you it was meant for me.
Child of God…. thank you for that analogy of accepting or rejecting a gift applied to others mistreatment. Wow that just changed everything for me.
Please keep me in prayer as I am really struggling. What happens when the deep hurts come from other believers? It’s so hard to not take it personal, but I’m really trying so keep me in prayer.
Michele,
I’ll send a prayer up for you. I feel you. The pain is real and it’s something we have endure, but it will pass, and even more so when we continue to ask Jesus for healing. As far as another believer, were you able to practice Matt 18:15? Sometimes things can be reconciled and healed much quicker when believers hurt one another and follow Jesus’ teachings. But in this day in age a lot of believers are only that in word and not in spirit. But we’re still called to forgive and Jesus is there to help us do it and help us heal.
Hi Neal Real,
Thank you for your response and I agree that I have to keep giving it to the Lord. My problem is that I have rehearsed the hurts over and over in my mind trying to understand why the persons would want to do that to me, since I was kind to them. But like you stated earlier, I think I was dealing with selfish, self-centered opportunist. Anyway, I saw that movie the War Room last night and I immediately came home and lifted the individuals up in prayer and I can say that was a huge step in my healing and recovery process. God Bless You!
Good to hear, Michele. It seems that the Lord is already beginning the healing. To him be the glory.