Godly men are the focus of this book because first, I’m a man, and second, the man is the one who is supposed to find the wife. A woman should not be searching for a husband, but rather, preparing and positioning herself to be found by a godly man. Men, if a woman is pursuing you, that woman is out of order. The bible says:
The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22 NLT)
The scripture doesn’t say, “a woman who finds a husband finds a treasure.” Men, be very cautious about a woman who initiates conversation, asks you on a date and pursues you for marriage. She will cause great heartache and possible destruction to your soul if you marry such a woman.
I have to mention this kind of behavior because, in this day in age, the roles of men and women have been perverted, and some men think this kind of behavior is normal.
In this modern twisted society, the wife leads and guides the household while the men sit back and support the wife. The husband dare not speak up with a difference of opinion for fear of verbal backlash, nagging, or the withholding of sex. The man stays quiet, and submits to his wife like “a good little boy.” It’s a sad state for many husbands today. These kind of men deal with this by immersing themselves in video games, sports, business and pornography which are unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Men, it isn’t God’s design for a woman to lead you. You must get this in your head. For some, this is easily understood. I personally was raised with both a father and mother who operated in their proper roles. For you men who’ve been raised without a father, and/or under a matriarchal, dominating mother; or who’ve just been under women headship and leadership for quite some time, this may be hard to understand, but you must get it. You must understand the proper roles of men and women before you marry.
Let’s see God’s original plan for men and women in the bible.
15 The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Gen 2:15,18 NLT).
We see here that God gave man a duty and a purpose. In this case, to take care of the original garden that God created. If you’re a man, you should be working. It doesn’t matter what kind of job—big or small, important or not—you ought to be working. And if you ask God, he’ll reveal his general purpose for your life. Pursue that purpose, it will bring you much fulfillment.
The second thing we see here is that God said that it wasn’t good that the man be alone. So God decided to make a helper for him:
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”(Gen 2:21-23 NLT).
We next see that God removed a part of the man and formed another kind of man out of the rib. And after seeing this, Adam declared “this is ‘woman’, for she was taken from man.”
There’s two things to grasp here:
- Since a woman was taken out of a man, there is no woman left in man. In other words, no man has a feminine side. That ‘side“ was taken out. For a man to act like a woman is a perversion and a mental disorder.
- The woman was created to support and help the man fulfill God’s vision for his life. This is once again noted in 1 Cor 11:7-9, where Paul says, “man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.” So when you see a man who’s supporting the vision of his wife, he’s out of order. God has given him the vision/purpose/calling for his life and he should find a wife that can help support that vision. This is primarily why a man should be seeking after a wife and not the reverse. The woman hasn’t been given the purpose, vision or will, but the man has. This is not to exclude that a woman may have a vision that aligns with her husband’s.
I would add a third statement, but it depends on the situation. The third idea is that God brings you a wife. In the beginning, Eve was brought to Adam and he accepted her. This had to be done because they were the first of their kind. But this happened later in scripture where Abraham sent out his servant to get a wife for his son Isaac (Genesis 24).
The idea here is that wise fathers know what’s best for their sons. I would encourage young men, if you have godly fathers, to listen to their advice and above all else, listen to your heavenly father’s advice about women and that special woman you have your eye on. As a man of God, you have to be on the lookout for that good woman that crosses your path because it could be God bringing her to you.
Again, to be clear: I would be suspicious of a woman insinuating that God brought her to you to be her husband. She should not be initiating anything and you should have received a revelation beforehand. Any woman pursuing you is out of order and potentially dangerous.
These are just the basic roles of men and women as God intended. It’s best to get this understanding down-packed before you begin seeking a wife.
Next chapter: Marital Expectations
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